Simply; we don’t.
There isn’t a “my year” or “her year” with us.
It’s always “what are we doing for xyz?”
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We look at our respected families plans and we create a plan that works with everyone’s schedules.
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Stet doesn’t ever miss anything with my family, nor does he miss anything with hers or her husbands.
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And typically, we’re all together, for every holiday.
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It’s not uncommon for her, the kids and her husband to join “my” family for events, and vice versa.
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It’s not uncommon for you to find me at coffee in deep convo with her husband’s mom, who’s one of my favorite people.
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It’s not a “when are you picking up Stetson?”
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It’s a “hey, I’m making xyz, are you staying for dinner or do y’all have plans?”
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This is how it can be.
In my opinion, this is how it should be.
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There’s never a dreaded conversation of time, money, manipulation or control.
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We’re all a family.
All of us.
And we’re all friends.
Genuine friends.
We do life together.
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Anything less, from whichever side, just perpetuates a narrative of pain, trauma, insecurity, expectations and frustration for your kids.
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It takes both sides, 100%
If you’re in a relationship or remarried, it takes your partner as well.
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We don’t use the term “ex.”
I’m Stetson’s dad.
She’s Stetson’s mom.
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We don’t use the term “step.”
We use the word “bonus.”
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You’re all a family, together, setting the bar for how your kids see, experience and feel love, safety, unity and possibility.
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Corbin (his bonus dad) loves my son as his own.
And I love their girls like my own.
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And together, we’re all having a blast raising some damn fine kids and celebrating each other as we all continue to win in life.
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It’s all possible.
And I share this as a lighthouse, knowing many aren’t living this scenario.
For a season, we weren’t either….
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But we won’t ever go back there.
It’s a storm that is unnecessary.
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With you and for you,
C